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Wednesday, September 29, 2004  

Culture: Klingons commit to Kerry

By now, you're familiar with the either foxed or fixed AOL straw poll that claimed the Democratic candidate for president would get only three electoral votes. Meanwhile, scientifically conducted surveys say the presidential race is close. A more reliable straw poll with more encouraging results was recently brought to my attention by Willamette Week. A group of beings who know a thing or two about war say John Kerry is the man who should lead the nation for the next four years.

EXCLUSIVE: Straw-poll shocker! Fierce warrior race strongly backs Democrat.

Even as John Kerry struggles to establish national-security credentials nationally, an exclusive WW straw poll shows his campaign dominating one skeptical, warlike demographic: Klingons.

The poll, conducted when the DVD release of the Star Trek fan documentary Trekkies 2 attracted Portland's Klingon community to Tower Records on Southeast 102nd Avenue, may spell trouble for President George W. Bush.

The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race--known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach --seem alienated by Iraq and other issues.

According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.

Two Klingons polled -- or 25 percent -- said they planned to write in Satan.

Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll.

The Klingons say they are unable to support Bush because he is a deceiver. Their strong code of honor will not allow them to vote for a candidate who lied about Iraq possessing Weapons of Mass Destruction as a pretext for invading the country. In their culture, disgrace and dishonor are the appropriate response to deception by a leader.

But, they are not merely voting against a shameful example of leadership. They admire Kerry as a fellow warrior.

Though I find it predictable that the spirited, no-nonsense Klingons would support Kerry for president, I believe there are members of the Star Trek family who will proudly stand with the current administration. The Ferengi doubtlessly admire Vice President Dick Cheney. How could they not? Seldom has a man become richer as the result of suffering of other human beings.

Other Star Trek communities may back one or another of the third-party candidates. I suspect Odo will abstain.

11:30 PM